onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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