So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize