She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
