i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
