Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize