I didn't shave. On purpose
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
