i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
