i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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