I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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