Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
