is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My hand turned me down
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
