Can i not drive my cunt home
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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