I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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