New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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