he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
