STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
