We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
