I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
