I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
