so explain again why im purple
no
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
