Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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