just come out here and I will go home with you...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
