I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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