You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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