You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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