i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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