I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
bring money and cleavage
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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