okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
