dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You ruined the universe
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
