Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
