his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
