paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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