tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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