We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
