What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
