If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize