walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
