Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
