i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
