Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
