sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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