I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
