I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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