i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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