Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
