I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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