Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
