Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize