having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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