just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
