i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
