Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
