RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
