So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize