i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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