Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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