You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
