So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize