Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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