i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
