just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize