She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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