I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
