The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
