i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
