Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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