I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize