Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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